curiosity.

tonight's a dangerous night for thinking.

universal.

you wrapped me up in a thousand words that were meant to keep me safe. its been months now and i am starting to slip. please tell me you have more sweet nothings to come my way. because i can't help but to think that they are keeping someone else from falling, and maybe i am too late.

twenty nine.

i wish that i could reach out and grab love. that movie love, the stuff that makes your palms sweat and your heart race to the point you just can't think right love. it feels like it doesn't even exist outside of movies, songs and poetry. that love seems hidden inside ideals, and it sure as hell doesn't seem real to me.

that love took me places. it made me strong and confident. that love made me a believer. but that was years ago.
that love doesn't seem to come around anymore.

time.

rip jim. you were a kind soul.

wine.

there is no better way to love life then to spend it with your best friends. girls and boys i love you.

play crack the sky.

we sent out the sos call. it was a quarter past four in the morning when the storm broke our second anchor line. four months at sea, four months of calm seas to be pounded in the shallows of the tip of montauk bay. they call them rogues, they travel fast and alone. one hundred foot faces of god's good ocean gone wrong. what they call love is a risk, cause you will always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own. the hole in the hull defied the crews attempts to bail us out. and flooded the engines and radio and half buried bow. your tongue is a rudder it steers the whole ship. sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth. but the wrong words will strand you. come off course while you sleep. sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef. the vessel groans the ocean pressures its frame. to the port i see the lighthouse. through the sleet and the rain. and i wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts. but the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west. they say that the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm. but this ain't the dakota and the water is cold. we won't have to fight for long. this is the end. this story's ld but it goes on and on until we disappear. calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath. i am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below sea. i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean. i know that this is what you want. a funeral keeps both of us apart. you know that you are not alone. need you like water in my lungs. this is the end.

jesus christ.

jesus christ has a pretty face. the kind you'd find on someone that could save. if they don't put me away, it'll be a miracle. do you believe you're missing out? and everything good is happening somewhere else? but with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through. and i will die all alone and when i arrive, i won't know anyone. well, jesus christ, i'm alone again. so what did you do those three days you were dead? cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend. well jesus christ, i'm not scared to die. i'm a little bit scared of what comes after. do i get the gold chariot? do i float through the ceiling? do i divide and fall apart? cause my bright is too sly to hold back all my dark. and the ship went down in sight of land and at the gates does thomas ask to see my hands? i know you'll come in the night like a thief. but i've had some time alone to hold my lies. i know you think i'm someone you can trust. but i'm scared i'll get scared and i swear i'll try to never give up. so do you think we could work out a song. some know that its you and its over so i won't even try. i know you'll come for the people like me. but we all got wood and nails, we're tongue tied to a hating factory. yeah we all got wood and nails, and we sleep inside of this machine.

getting back on track.

so there has been no updating since the new year, my apologies. life has been a bit crazy. so here is an update:

a. i am still getting jerked around.

b. i am still giving in.

c. i am still fighting the urges to get walked all over (again) by a faceless girl.

d. i have been doing my best to stop reminiscing, it only hurts.

e. nightmares won't stop.

f. i am still smiling... and life is still good. i am appreciating this organized chaos.

i promise updates won't be so few and far between anymore.