this has just been too much. someone wake me up because fuck this hurts so bad.
rest in peace grandpa.
25.11.09
battle studies.
who says i can't get stoned; turn off the lights and the telephone. me in my house alone; who says i can't get stoned? who says i can't be free from all of the things that i used to be, rewrite my history, who says i can't be free? its been a long night in new york city, its been a long night in baton rouge. i don't remember you looking any better, but then again i don't remember you.
who says i can't get stoned, call up a girl that i used to know, fake love for an hour or so, who says i can't get stoned? who tells me i can't take time, meet all the girls in the country line. wait on fate to send a sign, who says i can't take time? its been a long night in new york city, its been a long night in austin too, i don't remember you looking any better, but then again i don't remember you.
who says i can't get stoned? plan a trip to japan alone, doesn't matter if i even go, who says i can't get stoned?
its been a long night in new york city, its been a long time since twenty-two. i don't remember you looking any better. but then again i don't remember, don't remember you.
who says i can't get stoned, call up a girl that i used to know, fake love for an hour or so, who says i can't get stoned? who tells me i can't take time, meet all the girls in the country line. wait on fate to send a sign, who says i can't take time? its been a long night in new york city, its been a long night in austin too, i don't remember you looking any better, but then again i don't remember you.
who says i can't get stoned? plan a trip to japan alone, doesn't matter if i even go, who says i can't get stoned?
its been a long night in new york city, its been a long time since twenty-two. i don't remember you looking any better. but then again i don't remember, don't remember you.
dww.
i might have a MASSIVE crush on every member in of this band (and an extra soft spot for kap). so glad the boys are coming back to canada and will hopefully play ottawa again soon.
97 BHT - Down With Webster - Rich Girl$ (Acoustic) from Ralphie Aversa on Vimeo.
twenty.
there are a thousand things that a teenage girl thinks about before leaving her teenage years and entering into numerical adulthood. and as my days countdown to fewer and fewer hours, i feel that somehow i am more lost than that average teenage girl.
there are too many things that i hope to achieve in my first year of my third decade. i hope to finally figure out what i am meant to do in this world. where i truly fit in. clearly, i am not the academic i once was in high school, nor do i enjoy pretending to soak up the sociological method of durkheim or the conflict theories of marx. but where do i go from here? this was supposed to be my calling, all i have ever wanted to do. what made me change my mind now, so close to the finish line, the degree? i guess i am no longer happy moving along some predetermined money driven path that society tells me to.
so where do i go to find pleasure in something that i love? i guess the answer is the practical, college. but i can’t seem to shake the idea that this will be another hiccup in my schooling only to lead me back to where i started, still with no passion and no will to learn. after all, the only thing adults ever tell you is to get a degree, not to become a make-up artist.
the only people that push for you to discover who you really are and to seek your true passions in life no matter what the consequences are friends and significant others, both of which i feel are lacking in my life at the moment. the person i confess most of my life dilemmas to, seems to have enough problems and occupies their time with those. who am i to judge though? if i could figure out what i wanted maybe i would have the same sorts of problems to be absorbed in.
so i turn to the periodical love of my life, which who seems to be absent for the first time in my life. i have no temporary infatuation to indulge myself in and distract myself from all these other things. no first love, no genius and no rockstar… although i have dreams of reconnecting with the past i can’t seem to get a grip on how to do that.
so what now? search for a new passion, new people to share that with? new love? it seems like a daunting task considering the lack of support system in place. for now passion will have to be my work and the love in my dreams will have to do. for i can’t seem to take on any of the above tasks, i don’t even know which one i want the most, which is the most important.
some would say it is obvious, my passion. but what’s passion if i don’t have someone to share it with? and truthfully, i don’t think i believe in myself enough to find this passion without that support system, without that love. and to be selfish, i wish those things would just fall into place for me. and i wouldn’t have to be one of those mid-twenty-some-year-olds that sit alone at night reading about the socratic method nor, god forbid, one of those people mid twenties still searching for that special someone (simply because i don’t think i can make it that far).
hopefully my third decade has more answers than the second one did, i don’t think i could take it otherwise.
there are too many things that i hope to achieve in my first year of my third decade. i hope to finally figure out what i am meant to do in this world. where i truly fit in. clearly, i am not the academic i once was in high school, nor do i enjoy pretending to soak up the sociological method of durkheim or the conflict theories of marx. but where do i go from here? this was supposed to be my calling, all i have ever wanted to do. what made me change my mind now, so close to the finish line, the degree? i guess i am no longer happy moving along some predetermined money driven path that society tells me to.
so where do i go to find pleasure in something that i love? i guess the answer is the practical, college. but i can’t seem to shake the idea that this will be another hiccup in my schooling only to lead me back to where i started, still with no passion and no will to learn. after all, the only thing adults ever tell you is to get a degree, not to become a make-up artist.
the only people that push for you to discover who you really are and to seek your true passions in life no matter what the consequences are friends and significant others, both of which i feel are lacking in my life at the moment. the person i confess most of my life dilemmas to, seems to have enough problems and occupies their time with those. who am i to judge though? if i could figure out what i wanted maybe i would have the same sorts of problems to be absorbed in.
so i turn to the periodical love of my life, which who seems to be absent for the first time in my life. i have no temporary infatuation to indulge myself in and distract myself from all these other things. no first love, no genius and no rockstar… although i have dreams of reconnecting with the past i can’t seem to get a grip on how to do that.
so what now? search for a new passion, new people to share that with? new love? it seems like a daunting task considering the lack of support system in place. for now passion will have to be my work and the love in my dreams will have to do. for i can’t seem to take on any of the above tasks, i don’t even know which one i want the most, which is the most important.
some would say it is obvious, my passion. but what’s passion if i don’t have someone to share it with? and truthfully, i don’t think i believe in myself enough to find this passion without that support system, without that love. and to be selfish, i wish those things would just fall into place for me. and i wouldn’t have to be one of those mid-twenty-some-year-olds that sit alone at night reading about the socratic method nor, god forbid, one of those people mid twenties still searching for that special someone (simply because i don’t think i can make it that far).
hopefully my third decade has more answers than the second one did, i don’t think i could take it otherwise.
success.
say hello to my new home: www.aritzia.ca
i am so excited to begin this new chapter, starting next week !!
i am so excited to begin this new chapter, starting next week !!
fashion.
second round of interviews today. i have never wanted something so bad before in my life. ugh. busy day interview, work, college applications. wish me luck.
the third bar.
i find a map and draw a straight line over rivers, farms and state lines. the distance from 'a' to where you'd be. it's only finger lengths that i see. i touch the place where i'd see your face. my fingers in creases of distant dark places. i hang my coat up in the first bar there is no peace that i've found so far. the laughter penetrates my silence as drunken men find flaws in science. thier words mostly noises, ghosts with just voices. your words in my memory are like music to me.
i'm miles from where you are. i lay down on the cold ground. i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms. after i have travelled so far we'd set fire to the third bar. we'd share each other like an island until exhausted close our eyelids and dreaming pick up from the last place we left off. your soft skin is weeping, a joy you just can't keep in.
i'm miles from where you are. i lay down on the cold ground. i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms. after i have travelled so far we'd set fire to the third bar. we'd share each other like an island until exhausted close our eyelids and dreaming pick up from the last place we left off. your soft skin is weeping, a joy you just can't keep in.
love like winter.
best night of my life to date:
unfortunately this isn't my video. i was too busy being in the front row.
out of reach.
there are times when i stop to think that maybe this is just some sort of beautiful tragedy.
then i realize it couldn't be.
there is no one who can do those things you do to me.
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