home is where the heart is.

the one thing that i rely on is my family. they are my source of strength more so than anything else. what happens when those ties are cut? surely i end up alone and hurt. i never thought that i would lose this part of me, this part of my life. i know now that it is gone. i guess i have to find somewhere else to call home. but can i ever replace nineteen years of growing up? i hope so. because i need somewhere to feel like home, and fast.

distance.

all though the distance is daring i sure know what its like to be alone.

flashing lights.

i fall asleep to your face every night.

the sound of your voice shakes me awake.

the flashing lights are all i dream about.

without a doubt...

you make the night come alive.

balance.

i'm having a hard time with balance. i can stand up straight but i can't keep anyone interested, let alone around. its like they get just close enough and when they know i'm in deep they retreat. its hasn't only happened once, but rather all the time. maybe i will tie my shoes tighter and fix my posture, surely maybe then someone will stick by me. maybe then i won't need balance, if i have all that support.

love actually.

whenever i get gloomy with the state of the world, i think about the arrivals gate at heathrow airport. general opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but i don't see that. it seems to me that love is everywhere. often it isn't particularly dignified or news worthy, but it is always there. fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, old friends. when the planes hit the twin towers, as far as i know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate and revenge, they were messages of love. when you look for it, i have a sneaky feeling that love actually is... all around.