i'm the toy.
body.
this week is death. but... my tattoo consult went well. as requested the pictures of all the tats will but up once this one gets finished on the second. so excited.
keep it up.
if i can survive this week of midterms, essay and the new job, i will be a happy girl. on the plus side though, roadtrip to toronto this weekend for a well needed break.
morning star.
i'm feeling much worse now. you're better. your designer drugs don't work for me. connect to a three volt. i hope your battery dies. how could you run on such voltage?
------
november 10th. afi in toronto.
looking for alaska.
"i wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. not fuck, like in those movies. not even have sex. just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. but i lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and i was gawky and she was gorgeous and i was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. so i walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom buck, thinking that if people were rain, i was drizzle and she was hurricane."
"i wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. but for now at least i knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails."
"though no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, one thing i learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. and if alaska took her own life, that is the hope i wish i could have given her. forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself - those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. when adults say, 'teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. we need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. we think that we are invincible because we are. we cannot be born, we cannot die. like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. they forget that when they get old. they get scared of losing and failing. but that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, as so it cannot fail."
"i wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. but for now at least i knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails."
"though no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, one thing i learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. and if alaska took her own life, that is the hope i wish i could have given her. forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself - those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. when adults say, 'teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. we need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. we think that we are invincible because we are. we cannot be born, we cannot die. like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. they forget that when they get old. they get scared of losing and failing. but that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, as so it cannot fail."
11.11.07
bad news stops us for a while and then you move on. hope paralyzes us.
i can't shake it no matter how hard i try. that word goes through my mind a hundred times a day... hope. you told me to always have hope. but i don't know how much more i have left.
there are a hundred lessons on how to fight off death but not one on how to go on living.
rip tim.
i can't shake it no matter how hard i try. that word goes through my mind a hundred times a day... hope. you told me to always have hope. but i don't know how much more i have left.
there are a hundred lessons on how to fight off death but not one on how to go on living.
rip tim.
soul.
monsters are real and ghosts are too. they live inside of us and sometimes they win. - stephen king
long nights.
it's the way you seem to quicken the pace.
and how you can't keep your kisses contained to just my face.
oh boy, you make me shake.
the charm you have with that mic and that chain.
please boy don't leave that stage.
you're much better, you leave a mark.
you've got me hooked.
it's off the chart.
and how you can't keep your kisses contained to just my face.
oh boy, you make me shake.
the charm you have with that mic and that chain.
please boy don't leave that stage.
you're much better, you leave a mark.
you've got me hooked.
it's off the chart.
i'll just take what you've got.
what happens when they drugs don't seem to work.
and the drinking always seems to make me worse.
the nicotine doesn't feel quite right in my lungs.
i'm never fully dressed without you by my side.
and the drinking always seems to make me worse.
the nicotine doesn't feel quite right in my lungs.
i'm never fully dressed without you by my side.
waiting in line.
seems like it's always midnight. sweeping up broken glass after every fight. with the sound of a train that i could've been on, reminding me that the last one's gone. are you blind? can't you see me standing here waiting in line? for you. are you mine? not just when you wanna be but all the time? you're right, i must be crazy. you're out getting high, i'm here pretending i'm in love. the sound of your hear, my head on your chest, dropped you hands to your sides and gave up. i'd rather be crazy than right tonight.
with you it's always midnight.
with you it's always midnight.
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