breathe me.
help, i have done it again. i have been here many times before. i hurt myself again today. and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. be my friend. hold me up, wrap me up. unfold me. i am small and needy, warm me up and breathe me. ouch. i have lost myself again. lost myself and i am nowhere to be found, yeah i think i might break. lost myself again and i feel unsafe.
stay up.
these boys have me spinning and they caught me off guard. its too bad i just don't have the attention span to stay on your arm.
love letter.
i could spend all summer here with you, making daisy chains.
i love to set fire to your bed and with you, i'd do it over and over again.
your taste.
so i know nothing of your taste and now speak up, louder. it's in your lips, i found. come on, just press against me. i finally have your attention, so listen closer sweetheart, i've been trying to tell you, stay awake. stay with me and watch these cars go by and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. so watch as i go back. this clock is ours now, till morning. so stay right here in that frame. this pictures is how we speak, cause i miss you already. and bear that you haven't seen me. i don't belong in anything you dream. she said, "put your hands on my skin and say you loved me, cause i can't live like you do, never could". come on, just press against me. you always have my attention and please speak up louder. make those lips move. come back on the weekend forever, cause you don't mean to shake like that.
promises.
i swore i would never fall back in love with a boy in a rock and roll band... that didn't last long.
<3
new day.
"if children have the ability to ignore all odds, then maybe we can all learn from them. when you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? we have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell."
- lance armstrong
- i will not get walked all over.
- i will be a bigger person.
- i will fight through this, no matter what the outcome.
- i will no longer project the feeling "love" onto someone simply because i am lonely and they seem easy enough to get along with.
- i will live each day like its my last.
- i will do what i want to do and not listen to or change for anyone.
i am my own person. when it comes to my life i know that i have a purpose and i will live my life the way that i want to live it, not for anyone else. and my life (no matter how short it may be cut) is just that, mine.
when it comes to relationships, i know i will fall in love again, true love that is. and until that happens i am going to have as much fun as possible. i am not waiting around for love, if it finds me great, if not, i am young and i am going to act that way.
when it comes to friends, if they don't trust you, leave them. my friends are amazing and i will never forget these people or what they have done for me.
when it comes to family, i know that these are the people that won't leave my side. i know they will be the first to be by my side. i just hope i don't disappoint them.
as for those people that feel the need to be negative, fuck you. look where i am now. if you really know me and still feel like you are better than i am, that you know my story, then you weren't even worth it in the first place. and for the other ones that just want to run their mouths, you only made me stronger.
this is my life. this is my battle. and yeah, i might not always feel up to it. but today i am feeling pretty fucking strong.
this is my first day on the route to recovery.
listen.
the truth is that no one, truly knows what the hell it is you're doing. when we ask are you dead or are you just sleeping. i'm the one that is happy. i don't like your shitty songs. you were wrong. yeah, you're always wrong.
nine to eleven and you're getting weak.
you said you saw it coming but you didn't see nothing. your eyes are on the living room your eyes are on the closet. don't worry about anything. a pity invitation to an awkward house. for pseudo-boy who would rather wear a blouse. i sincerely saw your skin for the very first time. my curly hair and a voting booth. confessingly, this is the first time i haven't loved you and god i mean it. cause like dying young idols got the best of me. well don't stop calling, you're the reason i love losing sleep. besides, you don't release me until it's over. and besides, you can't believe without fear. this is the first time i haven't loved you and god i mean it.
down and gone.
"i sensed you'd come around boy and here we stand. it is so strange how we've come so far and nothing's changed. i'm feeling it shouldn't be long until we both remember why we kept each other around all this time."
----
today was much better. and i am remembering those days when i was young and unchanged and that boy i loved was pure. i am going back to the basics and taking it back to the true love i had those years before.
five year survival rate.
people talk about it. people warn you about it. most people don't think that it will change their day to day lives. but for as long as i can remember it has had its permanent place in my day to day life. ever since i was small it had jeopardized the lives of the people i loved. it has taken them away from me and continues to put their lives at risk. i have stood tall and i made the decision long ago that i would not let it bring me down. that i would fight alongside the ones i loved so that i would never lose another person i cared about.
it turns out i have to start fighting for myself. i may be the person on the other side now. i thought it only took people away from me. but now i may be taken away. and the truth is, i'm not as scared as i thought i would be.
r.i.p. connor
duo.
there's a corner of your heart for me. there's a corner of your heart just for me. i will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart. just to stay in the corner of your heart. there is room beneath your bed for me. there is room beneath your bed just for me. i will leave this tow just to sleep underneath your bed. just to sleep underneath your bed. there's one minute of your day. i will leave this man just to occupy one minute of your day. just to sleep underneath your bed. just to stay in the corner of your heart.
the storm is coming but i don't mind. people are dying, i close my blinds. all i know is i'm breathing now. i want to change the world... instead i sleep. i want to believe in more than you and me. but all that i know is i'm breathing. all i can do is keep breathing. all we can do is keep breathing now.
------
these two songs will be playing through my head over and over again. what can i say, i used to have a home in your heart. but now all i can do is keep breathing. i just can't stop thinking about you and holding my breath.
koala.
first of all, i am a person. a person with thoughts and feelings and emotions and hopes and dreams. i am a person that trusts and wants and has great faith. i am someone who strongly believes what they believe and will stand by what i say. i am not a rag doll, i am not lifeless, emotionless and numb. i am who i am. i live and breathe emotion into every word i say. i am in the end a good person, with good intentions.
this makes me the perfect candidate. i know that i fit the mold to be used and abused. i know that i fit the mold to be broken and shattered into a million pieces. i know that in the end i will always lose. and that after this loss i am personally responsible for picking up all of the pieces. i know i don't put them back together the right way each and every time it happens. and i know this time there are too many pieces and i just can't seem to pick them all up. they are too small and even if i was able to put them back together, what was left would be too fragile to form anything close to the heart i once had.
this heart of mine people have loved and envied. i know its a kind and good heart. i know it is capable of doing amazing things. but the people that love it, break it. and the people that envy it, aid this process. but once i get this heart back together, with all of its tiny pieces, even if it is missing some, even if i feel a little bit less because of it. i know that this heart, no matter how fragile it is, it is a good one. one that loves like no one else's. and those people that love it and break it, will envy it too.
i know that this fragile heart of mine, no matter how broken will still feel. it will feel real things and good things and i will keep living and breathing emotion into every word i speak. and i will keep trying to love with this broken heart. and it will keep losing pieces and at this rate there soon wont be many left. and when the tiny little pieces can't be put back together again, i will die with that heart.
my heart is too broken. too fragile. i can't pick up the pieces. i can't put it back together. i don't have the tools. i simply want to sit on the floor with my fragile and broken heart and look at the pieces. because when i breathe my last breath in front of this mess of pieces on the floor, i know that i loved and i cared and i breathed the life that put me where i am now. and i can die happy looking at this broken heart knowing that i did not play a part in breaking it.
i know i can't pick up the pieces and i know there isn't much left to put back together and i know there is no way back out from here.
correct me if i'm wrong.
i refuse to stand aside and watch you close your eyes at night.
i'll kick and scream until you sink your teeth into me.
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