take it with me.

phone's off the hook and no one knows where we are,

its a long time since i drank champagne,

the ocean is blue as blue as your eyes,

i'm gonna take it with me when i go.

old long since now way back when,

we lived in coney island,

ain't no good thing ever dies,

i'm gonna take it with me when i go.

far far away a train whistle blows,

wherever you're goin', wherever you've been,

waving goodbye at the end of the day,

you're up and you're over, and you're far away.

always for you and forever yours,

it felt just like the old days,

we fell asleep on beaula's porch,

i'm gonna take it with me when i go.

all broken down by the side of the road,

i was never more alive or alone,

i've worn the faces off all the cards,

i'm gonna take it with me when i go.

children are playing at the end of the day,

strangers are singing on our lawn,

its got to be more than flesh and bone,

all that you've loved is all you own.

in a land there's a town,

and in that town there's a house,

and in that house there's a woman,

and in that woman there's a hear i love,

i'm gonna take it with me when i go.

9:37

i want things to be easy. i want to be happy and i don't want to have to wake up in the morning wondering about whether or not you really meant it. and whether or not i am hurting you every single day. i want our love to be easy and fun. not old and serious. i want you to feel what i feel when i see your face and i want you to feel how i feel about you, every single little bit of you. i want you to be near me and feel how fast my heart races when i am with you. and i want you to be with me and actually be with me. to be passionate and aggressive. i want real, true love. i want you.

breathe.

i have this idea that every single moment of my life has to be straight out of a movie. that is has to have some underlining meaning or message. that every single moment has to be so full of life and emotion that it is almost too much to bear. i want to breathe life into every second of my day. i want to really feel things. i wish my life was one big emotional dramatic picture and i wish that everyone felt it as much as i do.

just keep me safe.

i think i am scared to lose you,

i spent forever pushing you away,

now i am miles from your front door.

i thought i would be happy,

i just keep thinking about you,

and how scared i am to lose you.

you thought you lost me long ago,

the truth is i've been here all along,

just don't push me away.

quick.

i am at home again, and finally i can breathe easy ... sigh.

sapientia et doctrina stabilitas

i think i woke up today with a smile on my face because i know that tomorrow i can leave this place behind. its a little too bad i am so bitter, otherwise i think i would have at least felt something.

ciao city filled with deceitful undertones and hidden messages, i won't miss you a bit.

love taught me how to lie.

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.

there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.

there's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness.

there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed.

pathetic.

I really don’t know when I got to this point. I guess it was just a combination of things that changed the person that I was. When I graduated grade twelve, I had everything together. There wasn’t one more thing that I would ask for and I considered myself to be the luckiest person in the whole world. As I sit here today, I don’t know whether it has been my circumstances that have changed, or just myself. Or maybe it was just me that changed and created these circumstances for myself. Regardless of what or who changed, in the end, I feel like I would wish for a thousand things to be different and I no longer feel so lucky.

champagne.

oh look. i am officially hopeless.

who hearts fake friends?

thanks a lot.

letters.

today i got jealous... i wish my words were as pretty as yours. you trick people with your words, i bore them.

home is where the heart is.

the one thing that i rely on is my family. they are my source of strength more so than anything else. what happens when those ties are cut? surely i end up alone and hurt. i never thought that i would lose this part of me, this part of my life. i know now that it is gone. i guess i have to find somewhere else to call home. but can i ever replace nineteen years of growing up? i hope so. because i need somewhere to feel like home, and fast.

distance.

all though the distance is daring i sure know what its like to be alone.

flashing lights.

i fall asleep to your face every night.

the sound of your voice shakes me awake.

the flashing lights are all i dream about.

without a doubt...

you make the night come alive.

balance.

i'm having a hard time with balance. i can stand up straight but i can't keep anyone interested, let alone around. its like they get just close enough and when they know i'm in deep they retreat. its hasn't only happened once, but rather all the time. maybe i will tie my shoes tighter and fix my posture, surely maybe then someone will stick by me. maybe then i won't need balance, if i have all that support.

love actually.

whenever i get gloomy with the state of the world, i think about the arrivals gate at heathrow airport. general opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but i don't see that. it seems to me that love is everywhere. often it isn't particularly dignified or news worthy, but it is always there. fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, old friends. when the planes hit the twin towers, as far as i know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate and revenge, they were messages of love. when you look for it, i have a sneaky feeling that love actually is... all around.